2014 Changed my Life

Tags

christian, christianity, eiffel, france, friendships, fun, God, indpendence, Life, love, motivation, New Year, paris, relationships, risks, spiritual, tower, Travel

If anyone ever asks again what did I do in 2014 that changed my life: I stopped waiting for people to travel with and/or to understand parts of my visions, forgave, recognized family also comes in unexpected forms, and I started living what appeared to be the impossible! Next major trip is Nigeria to be united with my Igbo family. ‪#‎Travels‬ ‪#‎Testimony‬ ‪#‎Faith‬‪#‎FavoredResources‬ ‪#‎NoCompetition‬ ‪#‎GetYourPassport‬ To God be all the Glory. Many of you are curious to know who keeps me in peace and joy even through trying times…Give God a try. Call on Jesus. There is power in His name. I don’t wear a religious badge, but rather I allow my life and testimonies to be shared with you all displaying God’s hand all over them!

Voice Heard…

Tags

chesz, Cheszerae, conversations, emotions, Good News, hope, human, love, networking sites, new technology, relationships, relationships with God, social development, spirit, truth, yolo

I still respect the old school way of life and I do NOT take several things at face value as everyone is pretty good at wearing a mask. Skip the small talk and have real heartfelt conversations face to face with others. Don’t be ashamed to be embraced or to be thought about. Not every person is here to harm you nor is every piece of technology good for social developing skills. Always ask how someone else is doing.Gently speak the Good News to unbelievers. It keeps us alive as we create human connections.  Learn how to listen to what people say and what they DON’T say as well. Many people are hurting behind their smiles, luxurious life styles, computers and phone screens. Give and you will given back to. Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. From my  perspective, the only exception is: remain persistent only if you are assigned to the situation/persons. PS: Angels come in unexpected forms.

 

I’ve just been “Voice Heard”

 

Love,

 

The Pretty Producer

PP

 

Where is the love when you need it?

Tags

attention, ches. formspring, Cheszerae, creation, dependence, eyes, find, friendship, God, intimacy, Jesus, Life, love, lover, relationships, romance, trust, where

Is it wrong to want love reciprocated back to you? Should I feel disrespected if I am not someone’s concern when I need to talk?

I’m a big attention/love receiver when it comes to my circle. I like when they check on me to see how I am doing or just to send over well wishes for a productive day, or even when one of my homies say: ” I love that track you did!” These statements mean so much to me. Or let’s switch the scene. How about you receiving a phone call everyday from your special someone/husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.?  He/she’s just calling to tell you how much you are appreciated and loved. Or what about a a random gift giving frenzy throughout the year just to say I love you for who God has made you to be?  I am sure your heart has officially warmed up after reading a few lines.  Communication/Interaction between human beings is priceless and creates close to one of  the best feelings in the world. However, when we depend too much on someone else or on others to love us how we’d want to be loved can often develop into one of the worst feelings in the world.  God didn’t design us to reap and sow 100% dedication to one another as that is impossible. Expect people to be unreliable at any given point, but that doesn’t mean that the friendship/relationship/bond is not legit. It simply means dedicate and commit yourself first and foremost to God. He is our main source for love. He is our primary fountain of encouragement. He’s the one who will provide for you  more than any living human being. We must understand that the most one can only give is (if you are around good people) is 80%.  This means that you must make room within your heart to embrace the times when you may feel abandoned by them. Sometimes people have so much on their minds or they’re carrying the world on their shoulders , that they may not have the mental and emotional capacity to be there for you when you request. This is why God says walk with me in all that you do and let me love you as I created you with purpose. When we interact with others in this lifetime, create  a balance where you know where the love really can be found 24 hrs a day; that is within God.  If you have any anonymous questions you’d like to ask, ask me on http://www.formspring.me/cheszerae.

Love and Blessings to all eyes who see and ears that have heard.

-ChesZerae

123 DAYS COMPLETED

Tags

124, Antigua, Bible, Cheszerae, decision making, dream interpretation, encouragement, facebook, friendships, God, Life, love, McChesney Emanuel, mommy, positive, Prayers, relationships

A pause, but not a halt…

Hello everyone! Yes, it has been some time, and is now time to catch up! I appreciate everyone’s direct and indirect participation with my project.  To refresh those who may have recently engaged in reading my posts, I am on a journey that lasts for 124 days.  Wow– I have one day left!  The time went by very fast.  It has been exciting, challenging, awakening, pretty difficult,  moments of disappointment, tears, laughter and smiles.  Of course there were times when I wanted to throw the towel in, but God encouraged my heart to continue on.

Learning to Let Go

My urges to do certain things have drastically died down. My relationships have changed, and I’ve left the past behind me.  During this period of time, I didn’t realize that I was carrying so many things with me from my past.  I look back and am in awe of the baggage I’ve dropped thus far.  It’s not over yet; for life is a consistent and ever-changing  journey.  We as human beings  have a desire to build comfort zones so that we may live a consistent life.  Guess what? It doesn’t happen this way. I was a bit thrown off when I kept hearing this on a frequent basis throughout my journey from an array of pastors.  It is not by coincidence I’ve  learned this. Many times we are led by the Holy Spirit to make moves and we ignore them because we are comfortable with what we have surrounding us.  When it’s time to drop something, drop it. Changing careers? Change it.  New Relationship? Accept it!  As I mentioned a couple months ago–as part of my 24 vows–I forgave every person that has ever hurt me in any degree ( only to my knowledge), and I have apologized (only to my knowledge) to everyone I’ve ever hurt to some degree.

I find it very peaceful to write in the middle of the night.  It triggers my focus, and I am able to communicate with God in a better way.

Dreams: Pleasant awakening of a Reality…

I’ve been having dreams about people and various surroundings for the last couple of years and have found many of them to occur in real life.  Some of the people, I could not approach as they made it very clear they were not open to understanding them.  I’ve learned that the dreams that God gives to me are warnings, visions and/or eye openers for me to live by.  No, my dreams are not disturbing like nightmares, lol. I don’t want to freak you all out!  I’ll share one with you:

Personal Testimony….

About a year ago, I dreamt I was in my bedroom, and my bed was the focus point. When I looked closer to see what appeared to be a baby on my pillow, it was indeed a baby boy. He was roughly 4 months (like a newborn).  He had on a gray two-piece suit and was light-skinned ( close to my complexion) and he was sleeping.  Babies usually lie of their stomachs, but his face was shown to me as he slept on his back.  Now for those of you who know me, I am not crazy about considering children as I am not married yet and as we,  my friends and I,  identify with being Young & Free, lol! I woke up really puzzled and I told God: YOU KNOW I AM NOT READY FOR KIDS, PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE SHOWING ME ANOTHER MEANING OR SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD.  Hey, I’m a relatively honest person.  I am not diggin’ the birth of a child out of wedlock, considering I am not prepared. This is what I learned and embrace over the last 123 days.

Now, my estranged father, has disappointed several times, more-so over the past couple of years. This project has moved to me to forgive and to move on.  I made a promise to God and myself. I am  not a promise maker, but I had to do this if I wanted to really “live.”  My heart is saddened for the daughters and sons who don’t receive the proper emotional support from their dads and/or moms.  I am blessed to have a mother who never taught me to hate the other non-supportive parent.  My anger was voluntary, and I allowed it to build up over the last few years.  It got so out of control, that I blamed myself and judged every single man I’ve ever met. Well, it was for a reason as some of them really didn’t have what it takes, lol.  But seriously, I had to do something about it, because if I blinded myself with such wickedness, I’d never meet my future Boaz ( Google Boaz) nor would I be a beautiful woman inside-out. I didn’t want to carry that generational curse from his end.  I can’t be bitter towards men because of him. I can’t adopt certain qualities of a stubborn man.  I can’t hurt others around me like a disconnected family member. I can’t rest my head and deliberately sabotage my children’s means of communicating with one another.  I can’t step into the world of fame, acquiring a position to save people in the world, but yet have a cold heart  behind closed doors towards mine own family or specific relatives.  I can’t cut my children off if they’ve experienced a downfall in their lifetime. I cannot and will not be HIM.  I even debate if I’ll allow him to walk me down the aisle when I  marry in the future or even mention him when I am famous.  I’m just being real!  Many people would have never known I’ve struggled with that over the years, but it is what it is. And God is so marvelous and loving to me. He softened my heart, and I still love! I never stopped loving.  Isn’t that awesome? Isn’t GOD great?!!  So, what does this have to do with my dream of the baby boy? ALOT!  I told you all I never stopped loving. I have 6 siblings from my father’s side.  All of them I know, but three I haven’t spoken to in years as they live with him and his wife.  I pray that changes.  The other 3, I went out of my way to contact and spend time with. I’ve bulit a pretty solid relationship with my two sisters and brother.  They are a part of me just as a full-blooded sibling.  Recently, June 10,2009, I found my big sister! It amazes me how Facebook is a great means of communication! I was so scared and excited at the same time because we didn’t see each other for over 7 years. I am so glad she hyphenated her name as she is married now!  I was not sure if she would be bitter towards me as our father didn’t really bring us together. I started out with a short note hoping I’d get a response back. I waited with anxiety over the next 24 hours. I know the Bible tells us we should not be anxious over anything, but this was so new to me! When she responded back, I was moved! She was so positive about it and agreed we didn’t have to talk about the past. She and my bro-in-law are saved!! We were able to connect having that similarity!  Now get this, as she wrote me, she told me to check out the family album posted ( those of you who know about Facebook).  Oh my God, I am an Auntie! And guess what?  His name is Daniel, and he is now 7 months old (June 12, he made 6 months).  I finally understood and confirmed my dream. I dreamt of a connection I would later build.  I saw him in the Spirit before he was born. This was very meaningful to me.

We eventually moved on to talking on the phone ( taking it slow was the best remedy). I stayed with her, my bro-in-law and my nephew  this past July 4th weekend, and we had so much fun.  What touched me the most was this: No matter who or what comes in the way, If God said it, it is SAID AND DONE.  I am so overjoyed to know that Daniel ( my nephew) will grow up knowing me.  He is loved, and he’s a special boy!  I am sure someone out there needed to read this testimony. Know that if you reach out, you’ll get something back.

New Day- In with the New- Out with the OLD

Tags

Cheszerae, church, committment, covenant, dating, God, guys, Life, marriage, proverbs, relationships, salt

Today’s my wedding day…I’ll tell you more later…Going to church now…My mother is preaching today…It’s been a minute…

 

Today’s Scripture:

Proverbs 4

Okay, I am back.  The church I went to today ( Change a Life Ministries) was very nice and intimate.  I learned something new today.  The moment I walked in, I felt unusually comfortable.  The presence was filled with God’s love.  I know this because my last church, Greater Hood, I never felt a good presence there for the 2 years I attended.  I was there physically, but rarely in spirit. I withdrew altogether from the church 7 months ago.

As for today, it wasn’t exactly a crowd but the room still felt full.  My mother preached today, and that went well!  I sang a couple of devotion songs and I felt a sincere acceptance there.  The church is located in Soundview, Bronx ( In the middle of nowhere) , but I will be back there.

The Bible states that we are to be salt in the world. We are to be a seasoning, a preservative and a cure in a world full of sin and hatred toward God and the things of God.

Earlier I mentioned this is my wedding day.  Not my WEDDING WEDDING day, lol.  It’s my day to marry God.  I am wearing my ring as a symbol of self-respect, possession of godly character and my success in life. It’s sort of like a salt covenant. You ask ” What in the world is a salt covenant?”  ( Symbolic )When you perform the Salt Covenant, you are combining your individual
grains of salt into one unity vial, symbolizing your united life. Your commitment
to one another and to God cannot be broken unless you can separate your salt.

I didn’t literally use salt as you can.  But this is significant to me as I cannot afford to cast my salt to undesired candidates. 

Not to sound mean but the last person I dealt with, Tyrelle* is terribly unattractive ( I must have been under the influence, lol)  and serves no fulfilling purpose in my life. My BFF laughed dead in my face on the train after showing a picture of him to her.  She automatically predicted the outcome: “Girl, you know this is so temporary.” My thoughts were wow, what the heck was I thinking. Man, can I be real? I later learned dude was super BROKE….PAUSE….nah I’m not even going in on dude, lol!  Ya’ll know I gotta keep it real and add a little giggle to it!

I chose to cast my pearls to someone I automatically knew I wouldn’t want to have in my life on a permanent basis. Being with someone just for time to pass by is not a cool move. 

I recall another random guy, Reg* I met around New Year’s and talk about being ghetto fab and straight hood.  I thought my hood days were over after dealing with another Harlem dude 2 years prior.  We just did not connect ( getting to know each other-wise).  Funny thing is, he wanted to be intimate with me on a sofa( mind you I met him about a week before, so apparently, he was a fast one). I felt uneasy and very peeved about the situation, so I went into a random “no mode.” Let’s be real- no need to sugarcoat…I could have for pleasure purposes, but something wasn’t right.  Would I really want to remember that in my lifetime? Would I really waste my time here, and I barely knew dude?  That same night I got home, I had a graphic, unpleasant dream about him.  When I woke up, I thought it was real and I cried!  I wasn’t harmed in the dream, but it was a fear-filled, vivid dream  It was a sign God was dealing with me and throwing me warning signals not only about Reg, but for FUDs (future undesirable dudes).

Every time you connect with someone there is a piece of you taken that you cannot get back.  Men and women, don’t waste your pearls (salt) on undesirable candidates.  When I say I am married to God, I am not saying I am going to stop living life or having fun.  Don’t get it twisted.  It simply means I am living with a fresh and different point of view.  Unfortunately when you step your game up and politely distance yourself from these undesirable folks, you’re labeled as sadiddy or maybe other condescending words. I’d rather be blessed and sadiddy than emotionally disturbed and naive.I can go on for days about some of the most memorable guys I’ve met.  But it’s all good, all of my experiences are stepping stones. 

I will DEFINITELY have to write about Allen King* ~ Every woman must have this chance to encounter a loving being such as Allen King* ~ ( This a  BEAUTIFULLLLL STORY)

 ( Still writing some more….)

FYI: When someone’s not exactly what you expected and he/she already has your number simply change the name of the individual in your phone  to DNA ( Do Not Answer).  It works like a charm!

Between today and tomorrow, I’d like to share my thoughts on a special person I met in this lifetime, Allen King*. 

* ALL LISTED NAMES ARE FICTIONAL